First Line of A Story Competition

Mrs Sims was delighted with the number and quality of entries in the ‘First Line of A Story’ competition. A Year 8 panel of judges scrutinised all of the anonymised entries before, after much discussion and deliberation, announcing their top three as well as five others that were highly commended.

The unanimous winner was….drum roll….

Sophie – Year 5

‘Time of death 3.22am. The last time he drew a breath, the beeps dissipated but still echoing in her ears.’

The judges’ comments:

‘The immediacy of the action, the specific time, the onomatopoeic sound of the words as the last breath was drawn, the suspense of the short sentences and the mystery of what might happen next was a hit with 9 out of 13 of 8T placing it as first or second favourite.’

The Runners up:

Molly – Year 5

‘You may think that time travelling isn’t real but when you step into this story, you’ll see a whole new world…’

The judges’ comment: The invite to ‘step into this story’ was irresistible

Luca  – Year 4

‘Once an asteroid landed in my back garden and Socks (my cat) ran to it and touched it. In a flash and a bang she had become a Ninja cat.’

The judges’ comments: The writer clearly knew how to win his audience with a touch of the Ninja!

Highly commended:

Edie – Year 8

‘As he looked from the comfort of his ship, out onto the vast, imposing sea, he realised what he was about to face.’

The judges’ comments: Intrigued by an adventure tale of a story where man battles nature.

Edward – Year 4

‘Sergeant Donald J Trump of the department for explosives and filled with rage for losing the election, flicked the plastic cover and hovered over the red button’

The judges’ comments: A historical ‘what if’ espionage Robert Harris genre.

Matilda – Year 7

‘The early light of the morning seems as bright as a sweet baby’s smile, yet I feel a storm brewing between us.’ 

The judges’ comments: Effective use of contrast and pathetic fallacy.

Katerina  – Year 8

‘I stumbled under the pipes, the steam thick, blood pounding in my ears as I ran down the deserted corridors, the walls covered in copper clockwork and gears.’

The judges’ comments: Steampunk genre.

Sebastian – Year 2 

Once upon a time a 

…  ….  .. .–.  /  -.-.  .-.  —  …  …  .  -..  /  –  ….  .  /  …  .  .-  /  —  -.  /  .-  /  …  –  —  .-.  —  -.–  /  -.  ..  –.  ….  – 

The judges’ comments: The writer’s idea of writing in international Morse code and using the subject of a ship was innovative – de-code it to see the clever subject of the opening too!

Further notable entries:

‘It was a dark and misty night when she heard a noise, but not a usual sort of noise…’        Clementine – Year 1

‘In a colourful enchanted land, where everything is made of sweets, there are parties every day (even if it is nobody?s birthday)…’        Sephe – Year 2

‘Gold. This was the one thing that two brave explorers found in a creepy, ancient burial tomb.’    Priya – Year 3

‘Sapphire awoke smiling, she loved cooking and was looking forward to a day of baking with her Mum, she rushed downstairs quickly and opened the fridge but all of her ingredients were missing!’    Sophia – Year 3

‘Once upon a time, there was a small kingdom called Fairyland but Fairyland was not like what most of the books say….’    Evie – Year 4

‘Once upon a time, when I walking in my village in the dark with a torch, I heard a cackle coming from behind a hedge.’      Johannes – Year 4

‘Once there was a little witch who had a very different personality to her family, her family like playing witches na dwizards but the little witch hates witches and wizards so sge tried to cast a spell on herself but it didn’t work out as planned…’    Aurelia – Year 4

‘Once upon a time there was a singer but before the contest he lost his voice’      Patrikas – Year 4

‘Once upon a time there was a girl but she couldn’t remember anything, even her name or her parents.’      Millie – Year 4

‘As she opened her eyes that were glued together with exhaustion, she realised one thing, she was not on earth.’   Harriet – Year 6

‘Gold. Jewels. All the lot were just crammed in a tiny room; you could see that the walls were reflecting the riches from below. Two intrepid explorers have found their way here. But how? When?’      Amrita – Year 6

‘The house was alive with the sound of thunder’      Edward – Year 8